Meeting in the Ladies Room.

🎶 That’s why/ I got a meeting in the Ladies room/ I’ll be back real soon.🎵

Song lyrics from the band Klymaxx. I often think in song lyrics or music quotes. Either that or a situation comes up and the lyrics pop in my head like a soundtrack. Ladies have at least one meeting in the bathroom everytime they go out. Be it a group of 2 or 6, there is always time for a quick makeup check and to discuss whatever foolishness is happening in the moment. Especially if said foolishness is a man. This is where I do the nudge-nudge/wink-wink thing – cause you know… Men.

Makeup checks and men, juicy though they may be, aren’t why I’m humming lyrics this morning. It’s because I’m being more conscious of being my sisters keeper. By “Sisters” I mean my Sistahs, Girlfriends, Homegirls and Chikas. Those with whom I spend my time and share my thoughts. I posted about it on my Instagram not long ago. We gotta do better by each other. Aside from the fact that we need to stop tearing each other down, we need to do more to raise each other up. It’s not enough to deliver compliments. We should do that too, but to be less focused on the asthetics and more on the nature is needed. The next woman could be be-u-ti-ful as sunrise, but if her spirit is dark and cloudy, she’s ugly. We need to offer corrections and cultivate better habits.

It’s easier said than done. My least favorite rationalization for someone’s behavior are things like ;

“Oh, you know how she is” (eye roll).

“That’s just her” (arms crossed over my chest).

“She doesn’t know better” (side eye of life).

Well damn it Janet, teach her better!! I don’t know where we develop this habit of letting folks bad behavior slide for friends when we know damn well we would be swatting/spanking/putting on time out a child that acted that way. Is it a power struggle? The need to be liked? The reluctance to make someone angry or lose a friend? We certainly will call the behavior out in those on social media that do it or ridicule Silly Sally on the street. Why not your best good girlfriend who should know better too?

I remember once a schoolmate was wincingly rude to waitstaff. I heard about it a few times before witnessing it myself. Full on servant/master, chop-chop cause I said so so attitude. Being as that’s a pet peeve I let her ass have it. Honestly, because I’m black and sensitive to treatment, it was probably more of a provocation to temper for me. I made her apologize to the waitress. She was red faced and mad at me. BIG put on a red Super Cape mad at me. I distinctly remember not giving a shit. She was rude as hell. Didn’t mind exhibiting bad behavior TOWARDS others in public but definitely not feeling being corrected in kind. Part of me wonders if she had been more of a real friend, rather than an acquaintance in my social circle if I would have been nicer about it? In either case, the next time we went out, she was rude again. *lesigh* You know what I did??? Called her on her bullshit again and then refused to hang out with her anymore. No food, no drinks, no studying. Nada. Made it a bit uncomfortable for our other classmates. Unfortunate by products of a lesson. 🤷🏽‍♀️ What you won’t do is continue to make me uncomfortable with YOUR shitty BEHAVIOR. I can’t control yours, but I can control mine.

That’s the other part of correcting. Follow through. If you are inconsistent, where is the lesson? If you say something but continue to let them treat you (or others) badly, why should they change? That’s why Paula is petty & Brenda has been a bitc… (eh-hem, cough, cough) I mean Brenda has not been nice for all these years. People tolerate it because “That’s how she is” but in the meantime she only has two other friends besides you, the broad is on her last behavior warning at work and been divorced twice. Don’t you feel the pressure in that kind of dynamic? Who wants to constantly tip toe around someone? No matter how long the relationship or how many bones y’all stuffed in a closet together, it’s gotta be exhausting.

It’s a sensitive space. It can be hard to say something that potentially will hurt feelings or put you on the flaming end of thier behavior. The reality is it could end the “friendship”. It could irrevocably change it. People can’t fix what they don’t know and I’d rather risk the loss for the chance at better.

We still need to call it like we see it. I’m not always rah-rah in their face consistently either. Sometimes it is easier to avoid the back and forth. I get that. Plus, when you call someone on their shit, you open yourself up in kind. I fully understand. We like to be in our habits. I am working on it. I expect the same from my friends. I am not a FAN, I’m a FRIEND. Each one teach one. Be your sisters keeper. Keep her balanced and spiritually healthy. Check her. Be open to being checked. No one is perfect. You are worth it though.

You matter. Be the light.