Attachments and bonds are wild things sometimes. That consuming feeling of wanting to get back to what you just left? Attachment. The little tingly non-sexual warm and fuzzy you get knowing you are going to hang out with your “people”? It’s a bond. They sneak up on you and all of a sudden, you feel like you can’t do without whatever person place or thing, you have formed the attachment to. There is a whole psychology on attachments and how they start in the womb, their various types, and blasé blasé blah… I’m not a psychologist, and I really have no desire to be psychoanalyzed. I will say that attachments are not just the emotional ones you create from the womb to your caregivers, and partners. They also are you clinging to the comfortable rut of your job, your friend from high school you have zilch in common with after twenty years, and your mutha farking cell phone you can’t even put down during a date or at the dinner table. (Sorry, did that one sting?)
Attachments aren’t all bad. They keep you from feeling lonely and alone. It’s connections and relationships. Bonds are built up relationships of shared interests and experiences. Think friendships and history. You can feel bonded to a memory that makes you feel good every time you think about it. There is nothing wrong with a healthy attachment to your circle of friends. While the good parts are true, the bad is well– ugly. When we get attached or bonded to things it can blind us to how UNHEALTHY some of them are. These types of relationships will keep you stuck and standing still. That anxious, unsettled feeling you feel when things are supposedly the “normal” every day is abnormal and is your instinct and intuition telling you something isn’t right. Feeling lost and worried when you are separated from people or habits or there is a deviation from your routine is a good indicator for some interventions. The psych buzz works are things like insecure, avoidant, reactive and anxious. Its all very interesting to be honest, but I’ll stick to my own interpretation and opinions.
Anywho, one thing for certain, two things for sure, when you are attached to or believe in something, its hard to let it go. You’ll make accommodations to get it and have excuses to keep it. Right there is when you need to examine it and figure out how to let it go or release it to a healthier level. If you keep having to redraw and redefine your boundaries that bond is doing more harm that good. You know the kinds of things I’m talking about. You stay at the job that doesn’t make you happy and fulfilled because you have good benefits, or you like your co-workers. You drag into work every day because it’s easier than finding something else. You keep the old friend around because someone taught you to value time as a symbol of loyalty – so you ignore how stagnant and how much work the relationship is. Somehow you think that’s your only friend (or vice versa) and you are doing good by being loyal. Come on now! I don’t know who needs to hear this (not me cause I’m single, lol) but decent sex and the title of “significant other” is not a replacement for respect and being cherished in a relationship. Are you hearing me?
Cut ‘em off. Cut ties. Move on. Put the phone down. Look at people. Listen to them. Are they serving you mentally or emotionally? Is there give and take? Do they take your NO with the same grace they take your YES? Does your boss respect you or belittle you? Do you do good work you don’t get acknowledged or paid for? Get out from under that mentality. Do the work to grow. Respect yourself enough to respect the revelations. While you should not do things just to get something in return, reciprocity and the desire for it is normal. Sometimes reciprocity is not a physical thing, it’s a tangible vibe. Does that make sense? If you are kind generous and loyal to something or someone deserving and good for you the universe will respond and let you vibrate higher. When we let attachments change us they are actually impeding us. Stunting our growth. Dampening our spirit. Recharge and make change. You deserve it.
You matter. Be the light.
So The Redhead Said 